life responds intelligently to us

I have been thinking recently that I want to be more expressive with my feelings in real-time. If get a feeling when someone behaves a certain way, and I feel like I need to share this feeling in an enlightened manner (knowing it is a temporary manifestation, like a wave in the ocean), I want to share it. I have been thinking about this because there have been a couple instances recently when I have been around a person exhibiting a certain behavior, and I have wanted to tell them that I don't like that behavior. I didn't say anything though, thinking that "I appreciate this person for who they are and anything I criticize in someone else is a behavior that I want change in myself." While this may be a proper attitude, I still want to express myself more to the people I care about when strong feelings arise. Even when feelings that aren't that strong come up, I still want to share them if my intuition says it is the right thing to do.

So...I have been thinking like this for the past couple of weeks, and last night I got a taste of what I am talking about, except I was on the receiving end of someone telling me that I need to correct a certain behavior I was exhibiting. I was singing in a kirtan (devotional singing) group with a few people in someone's home. I have a very loud voice. I sing loud. I like it. Kirtan is an singing art where there is usually one leader and a group responding to what the leader sings (the response is usually the exact same line as the leader sings).

After we finished singing, one person came up to me and said that the goal of the singers in the response group is to blend in and not stick out with their singing. They should sing quieter and they should all sing the same notes. I apparently was singing louder than the rest and singing some different notes than the rest. For the first instant he was telling me this, I had a defense up -- I said "I was singing too loud?" After I realized I had a defense up, I let it down and listened to my friend, and appreciated his feedback and realized he is right.

Maybe I am more aware of this type of exchange between people (one person sharing his or her observations about another person's behavior to that person directly) because I have been wanting to do this myself, but this stood out to me as an occurrence when someone has put the mirror up to my own behavior. It helps me become more aware of my behavior and how it affects other people.

we can't walk through life
backwards
only seeing
our memories
the future is wide open
the present is a gift
unwrap it
with our awareness

an arrow of wisdom
flew into my consciousness:
"remember that you are my servant"
all pleasure originates and stays in Krishna
our eyes can't see the sun
with our back turned towards it
Devamrita Swami says:
our consciousness is attracted to the supreme consciousness
the spiritual element of life is so subtle
it can be forgotten about in an instant

Monday night poem

open this
ziplock decision
the subtle seal
of our intention
is the energy
of a higher dimension
this body is an instrument
the soul is a song
the lyrics are the shapes
that help the listener play along

poem

the truth
is a phone booth
only way
2 connect
is to be willing to have change
from within

Many good things

I was just thinking that I want to express that I am so grateful for all of the people in my life. I am very fortunate to have association with so many great people.

Varun -- thanks for the great conversation last evening
Pia -- thanks for the facial a few days ago, and thank you for being so cool
Five Point Capital -- Team Fleisher, thanks for being so fun
Hare Krishna devotees -- thanks for being so wonderful and helpful
Family -- thanks for the love
massage therapy classmates -- thanks for being so fun and so great to be around, and for the great massages
Beate -- thanks for being a great person, and letting me sit in your massage chair
Mr. Esgar (high school biology teacher) -- thanks for writing my recommendation to get into college, and thanks for being such a great teacher, you motivated me to do my best
Tirzah Conlon -- Thanks for changing my life for the better, you are an angel
Jessica Marks -- Thank you for being one of my best friends
Princeton football friends -- thanks for all of the good times
Dan Rudman -- thanks for getting me into trading

This is a start...