I have had experiences in my life where I had this feeling that there MUST be some "source" of life. It was such a cool realization to say the least. I then thought -- whomever or whatever that source is, that source must KNOW EVERYTHING. It was amazing. I thought this source is the perfect conductor of the symphony of life and that this source is a brilliant artist beyond my imagination and comprehension!!!!!!!! The source is so smart and knows every living being so perfectly. I love the source!!!! It is so fun to think like this. It is the TRUTH. And then I discovered a whole community of people who love the source and want to know more about the source -- The Hare Krishnas.
Krishna is the source of life, the amazing living source who always exists and knows everything. I feel like I want to hug Krishna but I feel like if I did hug Krishna I wouldn't feel his body because he does not have a material body, it is totally spiritual. I would feel it spiritually though. One spiritual feeling I had recently was when I was in kirtan (singing Hare Krishna mantra and other names of Krishna) with devotees (Kelly, Regina, Lori, and others) and as the singing evolved, I felt this energy that was getting so much fuller and expanding, it was amazing. It was like the buildup to a spiritual orgasm. I swear. I didn't really feel it at all in parts of my body, it was this energy that was totally on the inside. I wish I would have kept going more to see what would have happened :)
For me, this journey started with me asking the question -- WHO AM I? and -- WHAT IS THE PERFECT WAY TO BE? The fact is that we are everlasting spiritual beings/souls who are in these bodies for a temporary time. It is our desire and Krishna's will that determines what our life experience is and where we go. It is my experience that the most happiest, most joyous, sweetest desire is to want to know Krishna, and to be happy singing Hare Krishna, especially with devotees.
I remember sitting in my friend Andrew's car several years ago, and I started to cry because I was thinking of how my parents were physically aging and how they look older. I felt like I love my parents. I also cried when I watched home movies of when I was 3 or 4, and I saw my parents looking so much younger and my dad looking so much physically healthier. I got so sad! It was this feeling that it was so sweet then and that I want to play like we used to play but we are all so much older. But NOW I know the true sweetness I was longing for and lamenting over is RIGHT HERE RIGHT NOW. Krishna's love is the sweetest. Being loved is so sweet, isn't it? Now I appreciate this moment so much and appreciate the truth that the love in our hearts never grows old, it is always pure, and we can experience it right now. We don't die, its just our bodies that do. Our spiritual essence is forever and I want to flood the world with ecstasy and realization by singing Hare Krishna from the top of my lungs!!!!!!!!! Right now I am even getting really energized inside and kind of frustrated that I can't put these thoughts and sentiments I have into words better.
Our ONLY TRUEST HAPPINESS IS IN KRISHNA CONSCIOUSNESS!!!!!!! Everything good follows from that. It is like watering the root of a tree -- the WHOLE tree grows. We should put our energy into loving Krishna. This is our eternal relationship.
Everything else changes, people get old, change jobs, meet new people, fall out of touch with old ones, change apartments, have surgery, get diseases, meet new girlfriends/boyfriends, get married, have kids, make money, lose money, get fatter, get skinnier, get praised, get criticized, make plans, have plans not work out. We can live in this world and have relationships and business, etc., but the true way of happiness and peace is in knowing that we are all eternal parts of the Supreme whole, the source -- Krishna, and that we can go to the spiritual world and live in total bliss and love, completely free from ignorance and illusion.
Yes we can have the taste and glimpse of that in this life, while we are here on Earth, we just need to be loving Krishna (God, the Source), and associating with devotees (lovers of God) and chanting Hare Krishna mantra (names of God, can be whatever is in your tradition/preference). This is very nice :)
